Who is to blame?

Out of every ten clients I see, I can guarantee that at least five will be blaming themselves for something that is not their fault. More often than not this is because either at a very young age or at a point when they were extremely upset about something and unable to psychologically defend themselves they were told, “This is all your fault.”

Attacks like this do far more than hurt at the time, indeed often at the time some other hurt is so much the attack is not really noticed, certainly not noted as an attack that is entirely unjustified so it can be dismissed for what it is or defended against.


Rose oil is good for these situations, helping to heal the psychological wounds. Massage helps to add to the sense of being nurtured and cared for. On top of this it is important to care for ourselves in other ways as well as taking time out for Aromatherapy or other nurturing. We need to learn to be discerning and spend more time with people who are nurturing to be around and less time with those who have a negative effect on us. Ideally we need to do this without being judgemental. Just because someone is not nurturing for me to be around does not make them a bad person, just not good for me to spend too much time with.

Lessons like this are ones that most of us, certainly myself often need to re-learn or remind myself of. Like mindfulness exercises where if my mind wanders, I notice that this has happened and bring myself back, I need to do the same and be mindful in my choices of whom to be with.


When I see any clients for Aromatherapy massage, I strive to not make judgements of their behaviour or ways of being in the world. Rather, I try and help them identify patterns that are not helping them and help to choose oils that might help in changing those patterns.

Returning to an earlier point, very often the first step in changing patterns that have a negative effect on us emotionally or physically (usually if one then also the other) is to just notice it and then to consciously do something different. When (and most of us will at some point) we go back to those patterns again when we notice it make the change again and eventually we will keep the change.